The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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