your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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