i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
