Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
