I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
