Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
