Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
