This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
