Say something about gay babies.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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