Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
