I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
