So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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