About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Randomize
