The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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