Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
