chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
