just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
