In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You can't motorboat a personality
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
