Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
