i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When are your genitals available?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
