every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is my gift to your gina
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
