I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize