Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
