Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
