Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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