You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
