My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
