All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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