Apparently you make a good broom.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
