do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
