i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
