Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
