My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
