I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
