She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
one might say we're banned from that church
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
