No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
