He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
