i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
this is an emotional support booty call
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
