mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
