hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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