Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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