Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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