I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
