Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
