I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
