I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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