I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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