Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
