Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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