I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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