To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Girls should come with a carfax report
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
