I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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