Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize