do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
