I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize