I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
