Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
