yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize