He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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