Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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