In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Fuck appropriateness.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
