I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need a beard to bite.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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