So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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