So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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