Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize