im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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