apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
foreskin is a definite game changer
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
