we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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