I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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