God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
