Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
