I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
