i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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