I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
