Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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