Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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