The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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