Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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