Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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