Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
