I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
