omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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